I have a beautiful girlfriend, damn she stopped in my tracks the first time i saw her. i mean it when i say she stopped me in my tracks because i was in an inter-companies competition and as i ran the 1000meters race (is there something like that) i saw her among the cheering fans and immediately stopped. i knew i had to act fast, so i feigned dizziness and collapsed right next to her feet. but this is a story for another day my friends. well, the other runners won, suffice it to say i was the last one and had been overlapped twice.
I am trying to console myself about my beautiful girlfriend because i on the other hand, i still have no idea why she choose me and decided to be with me. I never have my head shaved completely, this is because i have a head that looks as though it belongs to two aliens. It has bumps and corners that would be hard for an F1 driver to navigate. My face looks as though it was deep-fried, dipped into hot brake fluid,baked with cement then put in a freezer to cool down. I have legs that have minds of their own, no wonder am missing two toe nails on my right foot and my left foot smaller toe has a half a nail. Whenever am making out with my girlfriend, she insists on being fully clothed, she says she likes that way, but i know its because my hands are so rough they leave 'tire marks' on her body. I do not have a mirror for obvious reasons. When i was young, my mother used to say my eyes were so big and cute they could see tomorrow and i would smile back and think she must be the most amazing woman in the world, now i know, its not funny anymore. If as a way of birth people would come from heaven to earth, i would have been stopped by Earth's airport security and denied entry the moment i showed up.

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